Because My Mom Wants To Know If I’m Okay

My darling Brenna, studying for finals in the pleasant Spring air.
My darling Brenna, studying for finals in the pleasant Spring air.

I made a little schedule in order to get some margin around here.  Two nights a week, I have Brenna run the milking so I can bathe, brush and otherwise tend to small children and minor domestic issues, and three afternoons, if needed, Meg or Laney watch the baby so I can write or balance the checkbook.  Last night, though, on one of my baby nights, I found myself with a heap of chores that needed doing, my three oldest children out of the house, and my husband leaving shortly.  The moral of this story is: don’t make a big Sunday dinner and dessert when no one is going to be around to help with the clean up!

Okay, no, the moral of the story is that the girls are growing up and they have to move off and live their own lives now, write their own stories, instead of just being a part of mine.

She pauses to smile.  I tell her she's beautiful.  She says, "Really? Because most of the time, I feel plain and homely."  I tell her to be patient; her love is out there waiting for her, too.
She pauses to smile. I tell her she’s beautiful. She says, “Really? Because most of the time, I feel plain and homely.” I tell her to be patient; her love is out there waiting for her, too.

But something has to give.  I can’t be everywhere and do everything, and lots of the time, I’m spending my energy in ways that aren’t so important to me.  What is important to me?  Well, I like to cook, and I like to have reasonably tidy living spaces.  I like to read to the children and lay on the front lawn playing the cloud game and take them on unexpected outings.  I like to write and make photographs.  I want to make cheese and open an (unrelated) Etsy shop.

And I like to milk the cows.  I really do.  I like the warmth and the scent of their hides.  I like their affectionate, quiet natures.  I like the peace of just doing the work without distraction or interruption.  I like to sing to the rhythm of the milking machine and pray my own quiet prayers.

But something has to give.

And I need a little time and prayer to figure out what that might be.

And then I distract her by laying down on the hammock and taking pictures of this nest way up in the canopy of the maples.  We are happy.  :-)
And then I distract her by laying down on the hammock and taking pictures of this nest way up in the canopy of the maples. We are happy. 🙂

In the meanwhile, we have two pigs going to the processor this morning, I have a pile of homeschool books sold on ebay that need to get shipped in the next three days, and we need to make a plan and hire a contractor to build my father-in-law a home here.  This week, we’ll also refill the garden boxes and begin our garden, have a cow bred and several calves polled (horns removed), and see about selling the one milker I don’t want.  The dog has an appointment, the husband has several, and Delaney has had knee pain since last summer that we’re trying to get evaluated – we had an MRI last week and need to follow up today.

Brenna and Delaney are both in and out of the house for work and school, David is in and out for appointments and club meetings, and I’m organizing one charitable event, a tea party, and homemaker club lessons and activities for the coming year.  All of our homeschool curriculum plans need to be revamped and we need to get rid of unused materials to make room for new and better books.

And it all takes time.  Lots and lots of time.

And so that’s how I’m doing.  I’m okay, really, I am.  I’m just spread too thin and struggling to reevaluate what really matters to me.

7 Comment

  1. Thankfully when we are spread thin, that’s when we don’t rely on our own strength. Praying as you reevaluate 🙂

  2. Thanks for honestly sharing your struggles and beauties. It helps me to feel like we’re all just trying hard. I need to reevaluate too… I just need to find the time to do it 😉

    1. There’s the rub: there’s no time to find out what to give up to make more time!

  3. Your last comment is where I am right now. My mother keeps harassing me to exercise, but when? I can’t even figure out how to get done what needs to be done, much less the exercise-kind-of stuff!

  4. I love the open honesty of this blog and this post so much. I’m glad writing is important to you because as I was reading, I kept preparing myself for you to say that you had no time left for the blog. Of course if that’s what you discern that would be good and fine, but I sure would miss your writing and posts, and well, you!

    I’m feeling in the same situation too. In fact, I threw up my hands this morning and called my mom and asked if I could drop the kids off on Wednesday for the day. My plan is to go sit in the adoration chapel until everything makes sense. Or at least I’m refilled with His good grace to keep towing the line!!

    1. You’re lucky to have your mom to help out when needed! And thank you for loving me. 🙂

      1. Yes I am! This is her first year retired from teaching and she’s a two hour drive away, so I can’t call her on a moment’s notice necessarily, but she is certainly available when I must have a sanity break.

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